Later!

Dear Family and Relatives,

I read someone’s status on Facebook that was circulating around. It asks me to cut and paste to pass this message.

I did.

Being left out of a hearing family/friend’s conversations just because I’m the only deaf person in the family or circle of friends. Whoever is hearing needs to realize it is so hurtful for your deaf relative to feel left out. If you have a deaf relative, please always include them in your chats- the deaf member wants to be part of your family or circle of friends. Please copy & paste. Hopefully we can educate others.

This brings back some bad memories while growing up as the only deaf person in the family.

Patience is the skill I have learned when I was so young. I was been told, “Amy, I will tell you later” so many times that I had to be patient until someone takes time to sit down and explain what was happening.

“Tell you later…”
“Not important…”
“Please be patient…”
“Hold on, phone’s ringing…”
“It is hard to explain because you may not understand…”
“It was a joke, and it was not funny anymore…”
“I am sorry, I don’t know sign language…”
“I don’t know how to call these phone thingy…”
“I am too busy and I don’t have time for you…”

I was patient. I waited and waited. 45 years later, I valued myself as very patient person. This skill is very useful for many things.

If I ever hear these statements once again in any family gatherings today.

You will hear me saying,

“LATER!”

Then, you will not see me again in any future family gathering ever again.

It is been 45 years and you still haven’t made an effort to learn sign language or even made a simple videophone call with video relay service. Even though, you didn’t even bother to send me an email or text message.

What does that tell you, YOU, as one of my blood relatives who reads my Facebook statuses, and not even bother to click, “Like” or even made a comment?

Do you see me as a family member? I AM your relative, and I am related to YOU! I guess, family is a relative word.

LATER!
Amy Cohen Efron

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96 comments on “Later!

Ha ha.. of course these clauses I have been drained for years and years. Usually, they told me a brief message instead of a long message! Eh! To the addition of this issue, when I chatted with a person but other person talked to this person into some interruption… I NEVER reached a period of my conversation so had to wait until that person had to listen to me again. It keeps constantly! UGH? Until lately, if someone does to me while I chat.. I walk away just like this! And when I chat with someone ..boing, the cell rang,, that person must answer it.. I had to wait.. But when I texted her/him but she/he hardly answered as soon as possible! Huh?? Does it sound fair?

Oh, by the way, I love this picture… Patient Bear! Yes, it is! Sigh! Thanks!

That is right!!!

Great job, Amy… Patience, patience…. lol about the picture!

Hi, I want to thank you for this very clear message. Very good message. I know what u r talking about. It s heartbreaking, especially for the deaf children and future deaf generations. Sad.. but I hope somehow we can break this cycle one day very soon.

Keep hoping,
Kim Dance

wow – amy u have sung some mighty truths and they may have stung a few cuz they know the truth when they see it and they no likey to know what they done nor do they wanna make the commitment to repair, correct, amend, and bend a wee bit ur way for a chance at equality of condition

i thank u for taking this stand

in the past (and in the future im sure) when our kids have said “oh its not important” or “nevermind” if i miss something – i will say “i decide. I get to decide if its unimportant not u” and usually it is … unimportant but utterly important that i have the KNOW of what it is to determine what it isn’t

sometimes when they say “nevermind” “its not important” “ill tell you later” etc – i will say YOU KNOW THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS TO A DEAF PERSON and then they will nod their heads knowingly and make it known to me what they had said

and so we must stand by what we wont stand for ; )

it is interesting how some student self portraits will have a big finger being held up and text or title of “In a minute”

it always reminds me of Langston Hughes poem
http://www.cswnet.com/~menamc/langston.htm

so we see with ur taking the time and the good heart to have the “spiritual audacity to assert our somebodyness” (MLK Jr)

u give testimony to a common experience – to what Susan Dupor’s powerful Family Dog painting sings out too

too many Deaf folks dont sing their truths for fear they will hurt their families – but living a lie or deny the truth is truly hurtful to all parties involved and estrangement within ones own home and ones own family is not cool

Fear is not a disease of the body; fear kills the soul. ~ Gandhi

and u r right – love should not be relative amongst relatives

peace

patti

All of these comments showed highly positive. I think mine isn’t. Sorry! Forgive me please.. smile..

It’s okay, Susan. Don’t worry.

Kudos to an excellent well written forethoughts. My exact sentiments and I could not have said it better. I love my family and now… I am focusing on MINE, ME, MY life. Some of them are offended because I’ve decided to walk my own path. Great irony applies here too. Oh well…

You nailed it on the head: “Family is a relative word”… 🙂

I am hearing and I am an interpreter for the Deaf. I simply have NEVER been able to understand why hearing members of a family who have a Deaf family member, will SO OFTEN not take the time and effort to learn how to communicate with their child effectively using the language they most easily understand! I would have thought that this was an antiquated way of raising your child, but sadly it happens ALL too frequently in this modern day and age. “Home signs” are not American Sign Language. Pointing and pantomime are not American Sign Language. Expecting your child to accommodate to YOUR language and YOUR way of communicating is not fair and does not serve your child’s best interest. For those of you who do not ALLOW your child to sign at home (yes it does happen), you are stifling your child’s ability to express themselves with their beautiful language. You can’t “make them a hearing child” any more than you can make them black if they are white or make them a boy if they are a girl! Love and accept your child for who they are and what abilities they have and you will teach them to accept themselves and also others for our many differences! LEARN TO SIGN CORRECTLY WITH THEM, take classes and practice with your child, become involved in THEIR world. You have a beautiful child who has many things to share and contribute, if you will only take the time to know them and include them. Do not ignore them and put them off till “later,” like a fixture in the house to collect dust until “later” when you decide to give them attention. Including them AT THE TIME will let them know they are valuable as a member of your family! Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel if no one could understand your feelings, your moods, your hurts, your happiness, your dreams, your desires, your frustrations, etc. How would YOU feel if someone always told YOU…LATER? Later never comes, childhood is lost too soon, relationships fall into oblivion. Seize your opportunity to show your child you love them. Your child will have many struggles in their life. You will regret ignoring their needs for appropriate communication if you don’t learn to communicate with them and they go through life only to look back and say ” Mom,dad,brother,sister, aunt,uncle,grandma,grandpa… you were not there for me. I had a problem and you weren’t there. I had something wonderful to share, and you weren’t there! It will lead to frustration which leads to hurt which leads to anger which comes out eventually in undesirable ways. You communicated with your child before he/she was born, taking care of yourself and them, rubbing your belly with your hands. You communicated with your child as a baby, holding them WITH YOUR HANDS, caressing them WITH YOUR HANDS, patting them WITH YOUR HANDS, stroking their hair WITH YOUR HANDS, bathing and feeding them WITH YOUR HANDS……………………NOW TALK TO THEM, WITH YOUR HANDS!!!!!

As the hearing boyfriend of a deaf Person this really hit home for Me. I am attempting to learn sign, and I often find myself feeling guilty for not including my girlfriend in the events going on more readily. I try my best to interpret the conversation, joke, or general situation as much as possible. It is very difficult as I am having to retrain my brain to turn spoken word into asl. But that is the difference between truly caring and just saving face. If you want the person involved in your life and want them to be part of you and your life you will make the effort to change. We as hearing people have the capability to reprogram our brain vs the deaf don’t have the option of reprograming their ears.

We Deaf, HoH, late deaf and deaf blind need to speak out about this. Just tell them you left me out…

Amy, my reaction to your article is mutual as I had my share of bad memories at many of the family gatherings but it was partially soothed by having a Deaf sister. I want to share one here. Being left out along with my wife at my cousin’s wedding back in 1998 was the tipping point in my decision to not return to any family gathering ever again. Have not been back since then. My daughter will be graduating next May and yes, it will unavoidably be a family gathering but we are already planning get together with our Deaf friends after we spend time with our daughter and tell our family members “LATER!”

To Andrew, you cannot interpret all the time… Please correct me, folks if I am right on this. Okay, Andrew, ask your friends to communicate to your girl friend.. like write on pads, gestures, fingerspelling… You could teach one or two signs each time you see them so that they can sign to your girlfiriend. Bless your heart, but do not wear yourself out too fast.

susan – i think urs is positive and affirming because u met amy’s post with ur own truths and experiences. it is not negative. u have said u too STAND and walk away if folks r unwilling to look u in the eye and treat u equally.

i also very much appreciate what everyone else has shared here. this is VERY important. part of making the invisible visible.

thank u again amy

peace

patti

Hi Amy – I’m amused when I saw that status circulating around my FB social friends, too. And to be frank, there’s nothing like smirking when the hearing relatives are left out whenever they’re in my world: “So, you now only got a taste of a few minutes of alienation that I’ve felt my entire life.” However, my participation with my family members are usually on one-on-one basis because it bonds a lot more than it would be in a family gathering. In a family gathering, my cousin and I would go out and have one on one conversation as well as sharing family gossip. Otherwise, I’d be watching the tube, reading my pager, or reading my book on my iPod or whatnot. Thanks for posting this article. See you in twitty land. 🙂 Oh, wait I think Tweedledee and Tweedledums are dancing at your grandeur blog of our people. 🙂

err, Tweedledum… wish I had edit capacity. :p

Even when hearing family members are aware of the “later” and the “dinner table syndrome” rudeness, they still revert to habit every time. The first opportunity to slip, they unconsciously take it. When called on it, it’s always “Im sorry, here’s what was said” –fifteen minutes later: obligation discharged.

I think it is because the family doesn’t learn effective strategies to use. We need to develop tricks and tips to keep Deaf children and family members in the loop and teach them.

Some examples: Preparation, such as Aunt Agatha likes to talk about her latest quilting project, Cousin Bob just bought a boat, Cousin Kitty is engaged. Then one can better guess at the conversation that may come up.

Priming, giving the Deaf person specific questions to help jump into a conversation, such as “do ask Melvin about his exciting new job” or “Be sure to show Patty your artwork–she paints, too.”

Include an easy and fun sign lesson in each gathering.

Build in activities that promote one on one interaction rather than groups.

And provide a graceful exit so the Deaf people can leave when they want.

My friend posted you in Facebook. I read your article. I love your article and some comments in here. I went through similar situation when I was kid. I couldn’t express anything especially even some of member family knew but they just busy talking too fast, So Often, I just say may I be excused and go watch tv or busy with something else to avoid feeling left out. So they can enjoy talking each other. I did stood up and it end up not good. So, I let them go and I just find something else to do after I eat my dinner. When they have huge party, I turn invitation down often. I rather to be stay home and be with my cats plus chat with my friends when I am free than sitting do nothing that they turn TV off or something.

Andrew and Ashley, I stand up and applaud you for your efforts!

Yup, I hear you!! So frustrating. I agree with Dianrez, I think it would be useful if family members were shown effective strategies to include their deaf or hard of hearing family member.

(e

Dianerz,

Good suggestions. I do similar what you do suggested like leave the group. I did it often to do something else. Also, I often ask family, I just want see them but not their friends because I have better chance to engage communicate with them without hearing friends around. I don’t mind some friends around but they just will keep talking that end up left me out. It is rude to interrupt them too often, so I have to find a way to get involved or leave gracefully.

I haven’t heard from my family. They all told me they dont me. But they don’t take interest either and I quit making the first move to contact them and I haven’t heard from them since.

Repress is my motto. I’m with you all the way.

Hello. Stumbled onto this site. Unexpected emotional meltdown. Mother passed 1.5year ago. Strained sibling relations since birth. Younger brother older sister joined by the hip. Often mistaken as a couple because they are so close. Parents divorced when I was around 6-7-8… Separation dragged to eventual finally divorce…
Guess where I was all this time? INVISIBLE. I am 48 this sat bday. Have not seen brother, his 3 kids for years. Mom’s funeral was a surprise. Oldest niece in college 18. Younger niece half thru high school youngest nephew 10, have not seen since he was born. My hearing aid was broken over a year(no money) . I sat one side of funeral. Entirre brood of siblings spouses kids sat opposite side of room, visitation started at 12 noon, service
at 5pm. Not once any of them came over. Never been to my sister & husbands home. They have married over 20 years. Estate settlement was a living Hell. I’m not married.I have no kids. I feel siblings are evil, cold and greedy. Snapped all the estate from me and left me with nothing. A month ago I lost vision in left eye. Detached retina. Had surgery July 26 at hospital. My loving sister actually told me to take a bus for a 6 am surgery. To go home dope up from surgery with bandaged head…is insane. Worse I could not drive bc not used to depth spatial issue. Can you see yourself groggy, pumped up on pain medicine, walking out of surgery to a rigging bus stop in 98degree heat or higher…waiting FOREVER for a stupid bus then walk nearly a mile to my front door….
God help these pathetic people. I left out a ton of evil things they did during estate settlement. No need to sound pitiful…it was bad what they did…shameful. They knew post mom passing Christmas, Thanksgiving…I’m alone. Blessing in disguise…I did not want them. I don’t and never have considered them family.

You just nailed it!

Here’s a couple of my favorites, “You misunderstood”, That’s not what I said”. UGH!!!!!

BTW, I’m deaf ! but they (people, friends, family) think I’m HOH, no, I’m deaf.. they still say I”m HOH. Here’s why. My last few hearing tests proved that I’m profoundly deaf! But they still think I’m HOH. WHY? Because I can talk, but people who can hear thinks I’m from another country because of my speech. My patienance ran out, having to explain or at least try to explain that I’m deaf.

So, Later, I’m your new talking deaf friend from another country. NV, USA!

Have a great day!

(no hard feelings for the HOH, if I was HOH I would tell them)

I had lunch with the parents of a 40-something deaf friend. They could barely sign. I’m not that great myself, but me and the two deaf people at the table ended up leaving THEM out of the conversation most of the time! Their loss.

Amy….your story is still sharing—-it’s ongoing….i shared as well…You were very very brave standing up speaking out, it was definetly very uneasy for u saying it…we thank thank thank you for that!! We really hope your story hits worldwide & help bringing families of Deaf ones together, we will just wait and see…but you’re not alone, families of ours doesn’t click our likes at FB either, maybe like 4 times for me since i joined 2 years ago, yes–it’s very hurtful for MANY for knowing the true colors BUT….FB saves Deaf people’s lives, i believe….that will bring to JUSTICE….Many Thanks again, AMY!!!!! ((((((Deaf group hug))))))))))))))

and forgot to add, for Maria B. heartbreaking to read your story, as well as for the rest here too…hugs

It’s important for family to communicate with their deaf relative, even if it means adapting to the communication mode such as sign language. Being from a deaf family who happen to be Italian, my hearing relatives were able to use gestures so communication wasn’t painful, they were fun loving people who found ways to communicate and mingle. At family gatherings, we were hardly left out by immediate family members. However, my in-laws were a different story. Once during Thanksgiving, the spouse and I had a conversation in signs at the table, his hearing relative interrupted me and told me we should not be signing because they don’t understand what we’re saying. I responded back, saying that we don’t understand them either. a pin dropped. (while I may understand them, the spouse who happened to be deaf, does not.) I still think it’s funny seeing their shocked face that day.

I think parents now days are more likely to learn to sign than parents years ago, at least, I hope that is the case.

Amy, thank you for sharing. I had lot of bad memories while growing up as the only deaf person in the family. They thought that I was a retard child. One day, my teacher suspected that I was deaf, so she asked my principal to call my parents. They send me to see a doctor and found out that I was deaf. Meanwhile they thought I was not smart. I decided to walk away from them and learned myself to be success. I did graduate in the public high school. Now I work with hearing people. These people don’t know how to sign language, but one person from another country knew one sign language. That was awesome. I, of course, am still struggle to communicate with hearing people. Sigh! Give a big HUGS to all of you.

Amy, thank you for sharing this very touching and personal blog. After years of putting up with being ignored and left out of hearing family members’ conversations, many people do reach a point where they simply say, “enough is enough”, or as you said, “later!”. There’s no reason for anyone to suffer through the indignity of being ignored or overlooked again and again at each family event. I hope at least some family members pay attention to what you said and change their ways.
Warmly,
Candace

Well said ABC! 🙂

Thanks, ABC for exactly expressing in words what most of us went through. You said it clearly enough…. come to think of it… I’m experiencing this as an adult now… when I’m at work, and signing to this hearing person she would start talking (not signing) and I looked around wondering what in the world is she saying? Came to find out that another person in a separate room called her name and she responded “I’m here” and they started talking and we lost connection right there. I felt as if my comments were not as pleasing as the hearing person’s were at that time. Imagine the thoughts that went through my mind how I felt at that moment. Boy, it’s not a wonderful feeling, lol.

Anyhow, thanks for sharing this post with us. 🙂

I understand the frustration of deaf people when a hearing person is interrupted by a phone call or someone down the hall calling out to them. Understand we aren’t intentionally dissing you. Hearing people deal with multiple sources of input regularly. There’s no equivalent to that with people who rely on sight to communicate. Usually we’re not trying to be rude. We’re just wired differently. No disrespect to my deaf friends. But maybe not as respectful as I should be.

It would seem that Helen Keller’s quote rings true, don’t you think?

“Blindness separates us from things, but deafness separates us from people.”

If I had hearing parents/relatives and they didn’t communicate with me well or include me, I’d try to bring it up with them and if they still don’t include me then I’d go my way. Life is too short to let it affect us. We only live once, why let the pain consume us?, especially when it’s clear that many have tried to make a point with their families and they still don’t get it. Maybe someone can explain this.

[…] Later by Amy Cohen Efron at Deaf World as Eye See It http://www.deafeyeseeit.com/2011/08/24/later/ […]

Sven, I understand that, in a way I expect them to. I don’t think they are being disrespectful for using their natural language. Sometimes I feel like I have to make them change their conversation style to accomate us such as interrupting the middle of their flow of conversation to remind them to speak slower, look at faces, speak up or clearer, repeat themselves, or interpret.

All I ask is equality of language that we can use rather we use it with deaf or hearing. So if one language make us feel neglected, We still have language we can use.

I read so many comments and feel for both side of the world. Not all to blame but to be selective is perhaps the wisest path. I do find from Patti Durr is a cult dynamic situation. It appear from her and her followers is every hearing person is “evil” or just “non-hearing”. It’s a complex world and should be treated as though.

Deafa,

That makes a lot of sense. I know I need to ask my deaf friends to sign slower or fingerspell. I’ve been so appreciative of the folks who accommodate my attempts to learn sign language.I can only hope I am as considerate to them as they have been to me.

Wow..Karen Walker, i agree with you wholeheartedly! Amy, you too! I’m profoundly deaf but can speak fluently and doing pretty good among the hearings growing up to now. No regrets…but I can totally relate..the “LATER” and “NEVERMIND” comments. So hurtful. ugh! That’s certainly one of my greatest pet peeves. Patience…well, I agree but I have this need to know NOW basis or just forget it altogether. Another thing is people tends to think that just because I’m deaf, I wouldn’t understand. Well, excuse me, how about try me? Love this blog, Amy…I just sign up to follow this 😉 So…see you…LATER 😛

Gwen!!! I can relate to what you are going through..people thinks just because I can speak well that I’m simply HOH..no..I’m still deaf..so deaf…so very deaf! Some even asked me what country i’m from because of my ‘accent’. 😀

Amy,

Beautiful statement. As a Deaf person, I tend to shut down to the people that do this to me. I thankfully…not every hearing person I met does this to me. My hearing husband has been awesome and he knows ASL. He does not interpret for me when we hang out with his hearing friends because they all have to evanually learn how to communicate with me one way or another. I do not interpret for him when we hang out with my deaf friends….same reasons…he and deaf friends have to evanually learn how to communicate one way or another. It works because we all have the respect for each other. Those who does not make effort to communicate is not worth my time or my husband’s time.

Bravo, Amy.

Sara

You asked what does it mean when family tells you to be patient but not make any effort to learn to communicate. It means there avoiding discomfort in not being able or willing to include you more important to them than you are.

Greg…such a simple statement yet it has so many complex meanings. Thanks for the comment.

“We are wired differently”…Sven, there is a difference between outright rudeness and being wired differently. Suddenly dropping a conversation with a Deaf person to chat with an unseen hearing person is the top of rudeness. It’s like suddenly cutting off a conversation to answer the phone, or cutting someone off on the phone to talk with someone that came into the room.

Generally, when deaf people face this kind of unthinking exclusion daily in addition to watching hearing people talk in a different language all the time, they shut down and move away. It is a tragedy when this happens because of alienation of the love that brought them together. The choice is clear: take the lazy way and lose the family member, or make an effort to be consistently including and keep the loved one.

Dianrez..

I will have to agree with Sven, those who can hear and understand what’s being said by someone in the next “cubical” ARE wired differently. Trust me on that, Dianrez. I don’t think it is rudeness.

Multiple input is common and even I do that too myself. The difference is if someone is aware you are talking to a deaf person and purposely interrupt. Obviously that person was using his/her voice whilst signing so… In a fast pace work world, trust me, rudeness is not purposely done.

We all are guilty of assumptions all the time. We assume things about hearing folks, but we have not walked in their shoe. And, vice versa.

However, I’m sure there are situations where rudeness happens. Someone sees a person talking/signing to a deaf person and that person purposely interrupts right front of both of them. Unless it was a boss needing something pronto!

It doesn’t hurt to address this issue right there and then, you’ll be surprised how many people are not aware of these little pesky moments.

Like I said, it is a fast paced world. I do it too, sometimes later realizing that I should have waited since it could wait.

Obviously, Candy, for you it would depend on the situation.

I have been interrupted by others while talking to someone and have told them to “wait a sec” or simply ignored them until the first conversation was done. This is because of my experience with hearing people: when I see them ignoring others to finish with me, I feel respected. If the matter was urgent, permission is asked of me before they turn attention elsewhere: “Excuse me, this is an urgent phone call. It will be just a few minutes.”

So much happens in that kind of situation–Unconscious messages are transmitted: I think you are too important to be interrupted. I value you. What you say matters.

Or: You are not important and your message not significant. You are a drag on my time. I have better things and better people to talk to. I’m busy.

Multiple input? That’s a cop-out, excuse me. Deaf people also attend to multiple inputs and still manage to keep their focus. People may walk between two conversing Deaf people and they still keep the thread. To break eye contact is a major no-no in Deaf culture. They are not one-track people and shouldn’t be treated less than hearing people, nor should hearing people be giving “privilege” because they can hear other things.

To call it a cultural thing would be wrong…it’s still common courtesy.

Dianrez – cop out is a great term. Whether you’re hearing or deaf, it is totally rude to interrupt a conversation with one person for something or someone else. Unless the buildng is on fire or something like that. Thanks for pointing that out,

Hello Amy
I grew up with big family, i am only one deaf, and had struggle with commuications, but my grandparents never nelgect me, always support me and read lips so good. but with my siblings, i am now fed up with them, like what you said, tell me later, not important, when my parents got real bad health, they never give me details what their illness are. I was so pissed off, they twisted me alot. It’s not my fault but i do helped with my sweet parents almost every once a week. Every xmas they just say hi and walk away, i felt left out… Now, i am in deaf culture and have alot of deaf friends are now my family. I support your feelings. I grew up hard life with them alot, but they do love me, they feel hard to communication with me, they should learn sign language or some way to communicatuon with me. they have no hard efforts with me. I have to let it go and be my own life with my sweet husband and move on. but it s not easy for me back off and will bitter in later when my parents dies. It only way to focus myself to be social with deafies.. smile

Well spoken there. There were and are numerous of times that I have told my family of how I felt and all. All the responses were that I being told to let it go, or I was being too silly. Really? To me all those years that I came to my patience and my effort to keep my faith and strength and its positive to make a bond no matter what. Have the communcation, bonding or anything improved? No….It is such as somehow disappointing because deaf friends have became family and family have became friends. Family should be family and friends should be friends instead. So I really can understand since it is very common to many deafies that feel the same.

This week I interpreted for a Deaf person who was crying and expressing her feelings to a hearing person about this problem in her life, and how her family and other hearing people leave her out when she needs support the most. I felt so sad.

I try to educate hearing people about this issue, and encourage them to include the deaf people that I work for. Even with an interpreter, they often they feel awkward having a conversation, because they don’t know anything about being deaf. For a family member who knows sign, it’s inexcusable!

If a hearing person doesn’t know sign language well, and doesn’t have an interpreter, they don’t know how to express themselves or tell a story, so they don’t know how to be. In order to not offend the deaf person, they often just don’t talk or go ahead and just be themselves, telling jokes, etc. Either way, doesn’t work in making the deaf person feel part of the group. I’m not sure what the solution is…

Well said!

I’ll never forget. When my husband and I were first married, his mother would get upset if we signed to each other and wanted to know what we were saying. Both of us said back to her “later” or “now you know how we feel when you talk with someone and we do not understand”, etc. She’d even go as far as insisting we use our voices. needless to say, we didn’t. When we’d be with my side of the family I’d do the same-sign. No voices. They didn’t complain LOL.

I found your posting via google – I was the one who created the status on my facebook a year ago but I am stunned as it even reached the US by the copy and paste request. I did not realise the impact the message would have as it has spread like wildfire.

Sadly the message I’d created had caused a family rift for a few days which was sad. I think we all learnt lessons in my family, including myself. The moral in the story is be careful what you put on as your status as i am a lot more wary these days.

I am very pleased that you have had a lot of comments and received a lot of support regarding this on your page.

Kind regards

Amy,

A well written article!

I come from a large Deaf family. So often, we would have my friends who have hearing relatives stay with us for Thanksgiving. At times, I was not that close to certain individuals, but in their eyes, they begged me to take them home with me for Thanksgiving. My heart broke for them, so of course, I took them, 2 at a time, home for the Holiday.

So, for those hearing relatives who had done bad deeds for my friends, shame on them. Their relatives (my friends’) should be responsible for them, but they had become our family’s responsibilitiy to fulfill their Holiday with full communication accessibility.

Your article is worth the share!

I’m exactly like you girl! I just wrote something like to my sisters saying I’ve had to learn almost 50 years of the hearing world and now it’s my turn, they should learn my languages! Wow someone is really listening out there. God Bless you!

I grew up in the same way frustrated not being included in conversation. I am profoundly deaf but can hear some with HA’s, I can talk with my voice but don’t want to cuz I get sore throat all the time. I hate using my voice cuz not sure if I am speaking loud enough for them to hear me. Sometimes they will ask me to either speak louder & other times they will tell me to speak softer, ugh! I prefer signing than using my voice & wish my family would sign for me. My niece learned sign language to become a Deaf counselor & is teaching her parents & sister to sign for us (my wife is deaf also), so we can be included! I am very proud of her for doing that. When I was growing up & I wanted to know what they were talking about the answer was always “later”! My wife’s sister has learned sign language & she always signs for us so that we are included in conversations. Now all of her sisters & brother are wanting to learn as well rather than depend on me or her sister to interpret what they are saying!

I just read down through this blog and comments. I really appreciate Amy for her stand. So many of us have had similar experiences in their family. I didn’t really appreciate the ‘cult dynamic’ label one person gave, which is a very extreme response! Also, I noticed some comment like “if I had hearing parents, I would….. which is really not valid because the person does not have the experience to be able to talk about it.

The comments by those who have a large Deaf family and opened their home to those of us who have hearing families, is great, and I thank them for their generosity!

Also I agree with someone who told me it is sad to read some of those comments as families experience estrangement just like I do.

Fifty years ago, a story along the same lines of the one Amy wrote was written. Fifty years from now, this exact same story will be written again. Sad, but true.

Larry

In Haiti, I was at Catholic School that hearing teacher taught me to be deaf because school did not allowed ASL and FSL (French sign Language) and not provide my parents not learning FSL.School required oral to teach me and my parents and family encouraged me to be frustrated.I am full deaf but I am able to speak for only lipread with my family some understanding. Next, 2001, I moved to Los Angeles city in CA that I struggled with my aunt did not learn in ASL to communicate me that through in my life. I have been left out of her that I am alone in my life. That is difficult in my life.

As a hearing person knowing a really basic ASL and LSQ vocabulary, I was wondering if deaf people are offended when I try to use that small amount to talk to them. Not everyone wants to try to decipher what that clumsy hearing person is trying to say..lol

Amy, it takes the deaf to teach the hearing how to listen.

As a single mother of a deaf son, I must say it was tough to get other family members to learn sign…even tougher for my friends that lived around us to learn….I was self taught and then lol…my Son taught me and I did learn more along the way….I was proud of myself…There are many times that I was guilty as sin for saying:” Later…Hold on-someone is talking to me…the phone is ringing…not important right now-tell you later. For those comments – I’m very sorry..Time passes and things can’t be taken back. It can only be fixed if we truly try and pay attention and be in the moment.After reading this blog – I hope it’s not too late for me to piece some years together and regain constructive conversation. As a hearing mother….it wasn’t easy…but then again life is not always easy….But to Amy…..Ray’s comment on Sept15th 2013 of “it takes the deaf to teach the hearing how to listen” IS SO TRUE! I’ve tried to spread the word…but I’m a hearing person living with a deaf son…We ALL have to spread the word….\ii/

Parents must learn sign language simple as that !!! No feeling left out !!!

My sister is deaf..and at that time were supposed to only use lip reading. Now I live in Sweden and am slowly learning ASL on the web..a part of me was made silent too..My sister doesn’t think I should bother anymore as I am older but the pain I have had NOT being able to really talk to her just grows,,and makes me very sad….change culture bring awareness!Thank you!

When I was 10 I moved to a rural neighborhood with a deaf year and a half old child. I love her and enjoyed the times when she and I would just BE together… needing no words at that time. We made signs together.. home signs I guess I read here??… lame perhaps, but we found communication. Later I became babysitter for her and her older brother and younger sister. With our home signs, we told each other secrets and jokes. When she started school at age three, she learned new signs and she brought them home to me each weekend. My mother and I often running around the house trying to figure out the meaning of each sign. She would giggle to be the one who knew what the secret was. Her parents did not know ASL. I read a paper sent home that encouraged the use of “cued speech” as an alternative to ASL, but as far as I know, they never learned even that. They often sent for me if they needed to know what she was saying, but mostly all she needed to do was grab at something and go AHHHH, which to me was a disservice to the child. I tried to treat her the same as the other kids in that she should use language (our signs) to get her words met. .
Sadly… I had to move away. I was 15 at that time and she was 6. We cried so hard. I truly loved that little girl. I worried and wondered about her. Who would talk to her?? Her parents did not sign. Her older brother had no interest in signing to her. (Mind you, he was 7 years old at that time) The baby though, aged 3, she showed some promise of absorbing them naturally as the sisters played together. Still… I wondered about her for a long long time, thinking I would never get my answer.
Then came social media. I found her on Yahoo messenger 25 years after I had left her (an amazing 2 or three years before she married and changed her last name. She said she had wanted to look for me also… but due to her age and language issues… she did not clearly understand my name and her mother could not remember it either.
My worse fears were realized. NO ONE in her home ever mastered ASL. I cannot fathom that. I cannot believe that, given a child of special needs, that I would not take any lengths to communicate with my child. I DID got to great lengths to communicate with THIS child, and I was but a child myself.
I do regret that I did not ever become fluent in ASL. The beauty of social media is that it has given us a medium in which we can converse. I did take something away from my experience with this child. I have had several situations in which I forged friendships across foreign language barriers. Most recently, I have become the nanny to my profoundly autistic nephew and have formed a bond of communication with him and pulled him out of being nearly non-verbal. Taking the time with him to let him know that someone was listening and patient enough to take the time to understand him has made such a difference in his life. It has greatly reduced his behavioral melt-downs and even reduced… nearly eliminated… his epileptic seizures.
Communication is so vital to the human psyche. No one should be made to feel left out.

You nailed it. I had been through.

I can really relate to the communication barriers between hearing and deaf family members….Being at a family gathering, it was difficult for me to communicate with my relatives as well. I felt left out most of time. My mom and my middle sister both knew sign language which helped me. (my middle sister is more fluent in ASL than my mom) It did help me out most of time with my sister… but still, I felt left out because there were so many conversations going on at dinner or in family room…I would not always get it what was going on……Imagine my frustration….

This is why I never see hearing people anymore. I’m connected to the deaf world and I stay close to them.

As a single person of a deaf child…it wasn’t easy. I can see just how this child may feel. Of course as a single parent , I have beautiful child who grew to be self confident and proud.

I can relate to all Amy was saying about siblings and parents not having patience with you growing up…along with friends (peers) classmates, some teachers, etc.
It is ironic that I now have more patience at this point in my life, and people look up to me now, and appreciate who I am and what I have done with my life. I used to have alot of anger and frustration about being deaf, but I know I have done the best with what I was born with. I still have to deal with some really ignorant people on occasion (like the lady who asked me how I can drive if I’m deaf….ha ha)…I just smile at these people now, and remind myself that I have a great woman, and few close friends, and all the creature comforts I need….

my son Tyler is deaf. In our family i have heard many members say they will just wait till he can hear them. It makes me so mad to hear people say these things. as i have told my family and friends…. either u show Tyler u respect him and love him enough to learn his language or u don’t. but if u don’t the y would he want to come around. he is deaf… he is proud… i am proud of every bit of him… we try our best to stay active in the deaf world and also hearing. having four kids is hard… being a single mom of four is harder…. and having a child who is deaf, one who is boarder autistic can be a challenge. if u truly respect and love your family member whom is deaf then show them…. show them they are worth learning to talk to them. i love my kids so much… i love them and i love them enough to tell them in any language they may speak!!!

I am the grandmother of a deaf child – who is now a father of a hearing child and will soon marry her hoh mother. Although I have a masters degree my dyslexia keeps me from reading sign and I have always felt very guilty because there are times I cannot communicate with my beautiful grandson in the way I want to. I tried to compensate by making sure he had everything available – closed captioning, alarm watches, people with us on vacations who could translate – I hated having “heart-to-hearts” in writing but at least we had them. His mother was fantastic – his sister is in school to be an work with the deaf – his soon to be wife learned sign because she was raised oral. I really feel I failed him in so many ways.

Dear Grandmother, I’m sure he thinks you are wonderful. I am deaf and understands how some cope with the best they know how.

After my beloved parents’s passing, my siblings hardly email or text me anymore, but when i grew up with my silbings, we have no problems until got older, seems they always ignore me when the ocassions like xmas, easter, summer cookouts. I always sit and try to tell them what other are saying, seems saying i will tell you later, It s making me very furrious, I am always last person to know, I starting withdrawl my family gathering for awhile, until they realized whn i havent keep touch with them. I do missed my grandmother’s family tradition, they never left me out always there for me to compare with my silbings. I have alot of deaf friends who are now my true family. I am not worry about my sibilings anymore, I have new life with my soul mate and be happy. Before my mom died, she said to me please “be happy and be with your friends, dont worry about your siblings. We will keep watching over me … I hate the word “later” I wish to teach my siblings to understand be circle with trust…

Oh Peggy, So true and sad…

Finding myself pretty rusty with my sign, and staying in contact with deaf friends on Facebook, I am wishing I could read sign better. This may also be a problem for hearing folks who may learn some sign but have a hard time reading it. When I am with Deaf I always sign whatever is going on, even if they are not paying attention, and even if my sign is not “pretty”, I know that whatever I do will give them the knowledge that I care if they know what is being said and also that they have the opportunity to be included in the conversation. Every little bit helps, on both sides, and thank you all for the wonderful comments that serve to enlighten us all! Blessings!

To Bev Jaeger—wow, how wonderful to have a grandmother like you! I sometimes realize that I can’t read sign well is because of some dyslexia (took me a while to realize what was wrong!) but you have blessed your grandchild with your heart. Whatever the communication, that child will forever remember your love and concern and you shouldn’t ever feel like you failed.

Yes,true I was been thru family/friends all my life nothing change but remember the hearing culture and deaf culture, important to do deaf to deaf and hearing to hearing.

Reading all of the comments, it really made me realize how hard it is to be the only deaf person in a hearing family. I myself am also Deaf, but my family (my parents and older brother) are also Deaf, so I pretty much have it easier but I still am struggling to communicate properly with my grandparents and uncles/aunts, seeing as how rest of my relatives are hearing and my family are the only deaf ones.

To my son Mick-

I’m so sorry I have failed you as a mother. I really thought I tried, but after reading all these comments I see I did just enough to get by. For our New Year’s resolution we were going to work on our communication skills, I screwed that up, to busy to sit down and go through the old SEE II book. Yesterday you really needed to know what was said on the phone with the doctor and what we needed to do. Today when I get off work we will sit down and discuss it until we have a plan, I mean untill I understand what your plan of action will be. Love, Mom (a little too late, after all you are 27) Uncle Mike just walked by and threw in “why doesn’t he get that coculear thing up and running? (hearing people’s easy way out, make you hearing) so sorry kids…..from a mom who use to be patient.

Personally, I know that I am guilty of this myself…not wanting to sign and talk at the same time or not wanting to repeat myself. However, the thought of someone not giving even somewhat of an effort to communicate with a deaf person is extremely sad, not to mention rude as well. I think that the person speaking should at least try…even if they consider their signing to be inadequate or their point to come across differently than it did originally. Yes, it’s harder to translate into ASL if it is not your first language…but looking back on myself, I know I am being somewhat of a hypocrite. I find myself saying “later” many more times than I should, and after reading this I’m planning on doing better with signing AND talking simultaneously so all people get what I’m trying to say instead of only a portion. This definitely gave me a better insight into what it feels like.

I feel bad for Amy, and I wish that she didn’t have to grow up the way she did. I have an idea, especially after learning a lot about Deaf Culture, of how others feel about being left out because they’re Deaf. I can promise that whenever I am around a Deaf person, I will not be leaving them out.
I am glad though, that Amy has been standing up for herself, choosing not to show up to family events should someone leave her out or tell her to wait. I’m glad she’s one of many taking a stand.

Friends, this discussion has been going on for nearly three years and a common theme can be seen here: courtesy consists of remembering the differences among people, understanding them, and actively building bridges rather than taking the easy way out and behaving as though there are no differences at all.

When this is ignored, there are consequences. Several deaf people have reported estrangement from their family members. This is unfortunately common. Simply implanting CIs in children does not entirely resolve this matter; despite hearing relatives believing this (often unrealistically, too often passionately). Even with a CI, the deaf family member still needs assistance to stay in full contact. One-to-one relationships do not automatically translate to one-to-group discourse–and family gatherings are almost always one-to-group.

Estrangement happens at the adult level, often when the mainstays of the family–the parents–pass away. When my mother passed on, she was a widow with two daughters both with families. Without Mom’s heroic efforts to maintain the family through annual holiday dinners and traditions, my hearing sister chose to break with me. Our families have had no contact for the past thirteen years despite living in the same suburb.

It was over division of the estate: without a legal will, the state mandated that the estate be divided equally. That was only the breaking point–actually it was decades of habitual omission, then expecting the deaf sister to accept the wish of the hearing sister. Instead, I chose the state, and she never forgave me.

Had there been better communication and sharing between the deaf and hearing siblings and their respective deaf and hearing families, there would have been more willingness to keep relationships. As it happened, neither sister knew of the other’s adult life, likes and dislikes, successes and disappointments, passions and hobbies, or deepest feelings. No sign language was allowed nor appreciated in this home except by the deaf side. The overall atmosphere (to the deaf family) was that hearing concerns weighed more importantly. The hearing sister probably felt the same, in converse.

Now that our children have grown and flown, it is just the two of us now. Both of us are alone and times are right for us to rekindle the relationship and sign language will not be necessary if it is just the two of us. However, the estrangement still stands, at her wish.

Family relationships begin in infancy, and it grows by building a common platform that includes ASL and a healthy understanding of the realities of deafness. Tragically, it takes exceptionally perceptive hearing people to get it.

Amy Cohen Efron here…

Everyone, I am humbled that you made time to leave a comment on my blog, sharing your experiences, regrets, wishes and feelings…. it is really validating for me to hear all of this. This blog entry is been published in a most recent book, “A Student’s Guide to the Deaf Experience” by Michelle Jay. The link to this book available for purchase: http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Just-Sign-Communicate-Experience/dp/0984529470

I am still amazed that my blog entry that was first published in August 24, 2011 and it has over 9 thousand shares on Facebook. Please continue sharing this story with your friends and families of Deaf and Hard of Hearing children and I hope that estrangement and regret will not be as so common as it is right now.

Every Deaf and Hard of Hearing individual craves to belong. Belong with their own family who loves them and always include them. I know my family loves me very much, and I only wish that I can be included with an extended family, especially my relatives. I wish they are not too afraid to contact me. Today’s technology is so advanced and accessible to Deaf and Hard of Hearing individuals, and yet, not been fully utilized within the families.

It made me wonder. Why are they are so afraid to connect with me, and reach out to me?

I still forgive you and love you. Just don’t wait any more or thinking later that you will connect with me… time is running out and there are so many opportunities missed.

Love,
Amy Cohen Efron

i want to share this comment.. Every time i host any ocassions, like birthdays, anniverary, xmas and etc, my family hardly never come up our house, because too far away, I feel that my family is lack of communicate with me, I gave their remarks, ” my deaf friends always there for me even too far away, i do appreicated my dear deaf friends than my own family. They rather go my other sister’s house because closer home, and feel social with hearing family instead of us, because i am deaf but i can read lips and understood their conversation. AFter my beloved parents gone, I stopped attend to their ocassions and tell them too far away from home… I am sick tried of my family. Now my friends are my family. I feel they rather my sister’s house because she is always good cook, and bossy.. I wasnt very pleasant with her. She hate my deaf friends, my clothes, cook, and eveny my driving. I dont know why she is hating me… I need your feedback and feelings?

You are not alone,unfortunately. It’s hard but go forward with the positives and leave the negatives behind. Life is short.

Enjoyed reading the blog and comments…

Here’s my favorite one.. Not so upbeat favorite but it’s one great irony that I just move on and not dwell on it. I am the only deaf out of my family. My immediate family do know how to sign….but of course, as most of deaf children, i have experienced the left out ZILLION times, and have spoken out all my life of how I felt in the gatherings. I was so glad that I turned 18 because then I could do whatever as I damn pleased. Once I turned into adult, I felt I deserved to be involved every conversation, regardless how lame or boring topic it was, I still want to know every and each of it…….

To this day, I do still get left out… Once in a while I would speak out, but not so much like growing up because I realized that I cant change them no matter how many I ask them. One of these time I would get upset and sad, which would make my Mother to feel pretty bad and she would cry and beg me to stay in the gathering.. Do you know how bad that gets me to feel? I never want to have my Mother to cry on my behalf…..NEVER. I love her to death because I know she loves me very much and would do anything for me… so When I get upset with the leaving out, not including me, etc, then my mother would get pretty upset and cries and just feel awful for what I am going through. She will try harder and she normally does.. for several hours.. then she goes to her way, leaving me out.. unintentionally..

I dont really like to make excuses for them because I know it’s inexcusable but…… they hardly sign in their 24/7 daily basis. They speak 24/7, not sign.. so they forget, not intentionally but they do forget that they need to sign. ……so yeah for me I just prefer to just say PEACE OUT and leave do my own things rather than getting irritated while waiting on them to include me… which would lead to my mother being upset and cry.. It’s just easier for me to do my own thing rather than speaking out and having my mother to be upset. She doesnt get upset for her reason but she gets upset for WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH as a deaf person and she sees it. She feels awful and always want to make it better for me and all of us in our family.. but.. I guess as they say, you cant teach an older dog the new tricks..

My Fiance, who is deaf as well but he can speak and lip read pretty good, unlike me.. His immediate family can sign as well….but still he feels the same as me, and had the similar experiences as we all do with the leaving out..

my motto….It is what it is. Let’s make the best out of it.. 🙂 LATER!

[…] Later! by Amy Cohen Efron […]

I am the mom of a deaf daughter(36). I have a grandson and granddaughter thru this daughter and I want to say it is tough for everyone involved.. I have always treated my deaf daughter the same or better than my other three children. It seems their are a lot of deaf people that feel left out, list or unloved. I think this is just a part of deafness. I try my darndest and it is never enough. I text, call, listen to her complaints all the time and she still has issues. I feel bad for her but she does very well and seems to use deafness when she needs an excuse or wants to blame her family for not taking the time to talk to her. They are very busy people as the world is so hard. Everyone e rushes here and there. I exhausted by the end of NY 9 hr shift and have little patience. I love her to death and am so proud of her but she doesn’t seem to have any compassion for our lives. It is all about her. We all try…she has pushed people away because she is tired of being hurt when they don’t mean to hurt her! We all love and accept all the deaf. I’m struggling to give her an answer to this issue. My family has been disrupted by all this. They love her but sometimes feel she uses this when she is jealous of her two sisters living close by each other and do things when she can’t cause she is an hour or more away. Wish I could figure this all out! And yes we all communicate well with her and k ow some sign and read lips well.

I didn’t grow up using sign, married a hearing man and raised 3 hearing children. Oral/aural all the way with everyone. About 10 years ago, I began experiencing my deaf side and began to realize what was missing. I’ve started asking family and friends to learn sign, anything. I’m not asking for them to successfully carry on a full ASL conversation. I’m asking them to supplement what they’re saying so we don’t get stuck or hung up because I’m not catching what they’ve repeated multiple times. They say I need to teach them but they don’t make the time. Life is busy, I get that. But I’ve tried hard to develop interest and knowledge in what they’ve vested themselves in.

I found your article. I am in the same boat. I am great suffer. I am very inferior. I am divorce and have three hearing children. They know ASL. They don’t like to interpret for me. Sometimes they are willing to interpret and give short information. My family (five siblings) and my children chat each other. Also I don’t have deaf friends because I don’t have “skill” of social and problem communication. I grew up in hearing family and they don’t know ASL at all. My parents strongly activist is oral. Of course, a school for deaf and blind talked to my parents about the rules…not allow any to use signs. (Same common to deaf people and schools, too. I am not only one). I learned some signs from my classmates and other students. I was excited and got home. I asked my parents to give permission to transfer to sign classes. They often were angry, blew out and scold me. I strongly felt I have no rights and was stuck. My family chatted each other while dinner time or meeting. I was left a lot. My parents never encourage me to social with deaf friends or hearing friends and neglected me in most of my life. One day, I noticed “Special Education Class” in the yearbook…I was with four deaf students (they had multiple disability, very low level brain, just like retarded). I was puzzled and asked my mother about it. She didn’t answer my question and she was denied. I still don’t know why about it. I knew she refused to have me transfer to sign classes. (I was adult, and my four teachers told me that they tried to talk to my parents about communication problem and my need was ASL. Plus one deaf patient did explained to my father about ASL, TV, social, education, etc. My father was stubborn and don’t listen. He wanted me to live in hearing world. I believe he learned from school (Dr. Bitter and oral activists).

I am not popular person, not pretty myself. My communication skill is poor. I am great suffer, deeply feel hurt and patience. I don’t know what my family talk about. All I need is love and care.

At the deaf center and deaf church, I always sit back and am quiet. That is why I don’t have friends.

Just recently, I had a hearing family Christmas together. I noticed my hearing sister had a Christmas card, signed her name, passed to my hearing siblings to sign their name and the card returned to her. She sealed it. I was surprised…I don’t get one to sign. After my mother gave family the Christmas presents. At last, my sister gave my mother the card. No one interpret what my mother said. I don’t know what was going on. I had no idea. Everyone left for home. I looked at the card that they gave my mother a new patio furniture. I felt hurt because they discussed together and don’t get me to involved. I felt like they reject me. I texted to my sister and asked her about it. She doesn’t response my question. I asked my mother about it. She don’t know. (maybe she know. She doesn’t want me to feel hurt).

My next hearing neighbor and I had peace for 16 years until two years ago, he started his welding sandblast business outside on his driveway. About 15 times (four summer months), the sandblast spread out in the air, landed my vegetable garden and killed them. I was upset and tried to talk to my neighbor but he was very aggressive at me. He threw grapes at my property, posted his angry notes, harassed, etc. I called police…nothing violation tickets. It took two years and continue. One day, a detective police went over my mother’s place and was curious about her house where I live. My hearing sister in law (my hearing brother’s wife) jumped to involve. She tried to evict me because I was one to start to cause problem with neighbor and I used revenge on my neighbor. Also he is homeowner and I am tenant. My neighbor wanted to have her telephone number. Each time he called her. She jumped to involve and listened to him, not me. She scolded me for no reasons all the times. I knew both are “hearing”…strongly bond to hearing. She doesn’t listen to me and ignored me. I was angry and asked her to stop involve because she is with my neighbor’s side. She was “third party” and middle between my neighbor and me. I don’t like it because I am deaf, she and neighbor are hearing…bond. “third party” to communicate. My neighbor used her. She continued to involve. It leaded to destroy relationship between me and my sister in law. I was so mad, was out of control and blew out on her. She continued to judge, criticized and insult me. I asked her to stop please. Also I asked her to stop involve with my neighbor anymore. She is not good listener. I finally made “very risk” to her and told her that she is rude, deeply yell very loud to her four children and threw things at them. She needed help and learn to control her angry. I would call protection children service. She yelled at me to leave her and her family alone. She told my whole family include my mother that I hurt her…called her “bad mother” (I never say that). My whole family are with her side and support her. No one support me. I let it go.

By the way, I talked to a chief police about problem with my neighbor (I had ASL interpreter). The chief said police cannot force me to give telephone number without permission and get family member to involve. It is very wrong. Also about evict…chief said the police cannot evict when two neighbors fight or argue each other…No matter what they are homeowners or homeowner/tenant unless court order. Homeowner cannot evict tenant…must go to the court order. Anyway, I asked property zone offices and Property management about evict…they said they cannot evict them whatever they are homeowners or homeowner/tenant or tenant/tenant. Except tenant don’t pay or destroy property or add more families…the homeowner can evict them.

I realized my sister in law really don’t care about me. She wanted to evict me for no reason. She is not very nice and friendly. She is audism on me. She wanted power. The house where I live is belonging to my mother, not her (sister in law).

Very sad. I am GREAT suffer. I love my family.

I am so tired of feeling left out in hearing family gathering. When I was growing up i went to deaf school and went home every weekend. I felt fine with my family. I don’t feel left out but after I got married to my hearing husband and end up having ALL hearing children which make it worse. My husband took advantage of my hearing to talk bad behind my back to the children. My husband and kids don’t understand deaf culture at all. They think I am dramatic due to my signing. During bridal shower my daughter and my sister acted like I was not existed. I had to ask my daughter repeatedly to interpret for me. They did not include me in conversation. I left right after shower and i cried and cried. I hate the feeling. I am tired feeling pain.

LeeAnne Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
August 28th, 2017 at 10:31 pm
I am so tired of feeling left out in hearing family gathering. When I was growing up i went to deaf school and went home every weekend. I felt fine with my family. I don’t feel left out but after I got married to my hearing husband and end up having ALL hearing children which make it worse. My husband took advantage of my hearing to talk bad behind my back to the children. My husband and kids don’t understand deaf culture at all. They think I am dramatic due to my signing. During bridal shower my daughter and my sister acted like I was not existed. I had to ask my daughter repeatedly to interpret for me. They did not include me in conversation. I left right after shower and i cried and cried. I hate the feeling. I am tired feeling pain.

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