Later!

I am hearing and I am an interpreter for the Deaf. I simply have NEVER been able to understand why hearing members of a family who have a Deaf family member, will SO OFTEN not take the time and effort to learn how to communicate with their child effectively using the language they most easily understand! I would have thought that this was an antiquated way of raising your child, but sadly it happens ALL too frequently in this modern day and age. “Home signs” are not American Sign Language. Pointing and pantomime are not American Sign Language. Expecting your child to accommodate to YOUR language and YOUR way of communicating is not fair and does not serve your child’s best interest. For those of you who do not ALLOW your child to sign at home (yes it does happen), you are stifling your child’s ability to express themselves with their beautiful language. You can’t “make them a hearing child” any more than you can make them black if they are white or make them a boy if they are a girl! Love and accept your child for who they are and what abilities they have and you will teach them to accept themselves and also others for our many differences! LEARN TO SIGN CORRECTLY WITH THEM, take classes and practice with your child, become involved in THEIR world. You have a beautiful child who has many things to share and contribute, if you will only take the time to know them and include them. Do not ignore them and put them off till “later,” like a fixture in the house to collect dust until “later” when you decide to give them attention. Including them AT THE TIME will let them know they are valuable as a member of your family! Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel if no one could understand your feelings, your moods, your hurts, your happiness, your dreams, your desires, your frustrations, etc. How would YOU feel if someone always told YOU…LATER? Later never comes, childhood is lost too soon, relationships fall into oblivion. Seize your opportunity to show your child you love them. Your child will have many struggles in their life. You will regret ignoring their needs for appropriate communication if you don’t learn to communicate with them and they go through life only to look back and say ” Mom,dad,brother,sister, aunt,uncle,grandma,grandpa… you were not there for me. I had a problem and you weren’t there. I had something wonderful to share, and you weren’t there! It will lead to frustration which leads to hurt which leads to anger which comes out eventually in undesirable ways. You communicated with your child before he/she was born, taking care of yourself and them, rubbing your belly with your hands. You communicated with your child as a baby, holding them WITH YOUR HANDS, caressing them WITH YOUR HANDS, patting them WITH YOUR HANDS, stroking their hair WITH YOUR HANDS, bathing and feeding them WITH YOUR HANDS……………………NOW TALK TO THEM, WITH YOUR HANDS!!!!!

We Deaf, HoH, late deaf and deaf blind need to speak out about this. Just tell them you left me out…

To Andrew, you cannot interpret all the time… Please correct me, folks if I am right on this. Okay, Andrew, ask your friends to communicate to your girl friend.. like write on pads, gestures, fingerspelling… You could teach one or two signs each time you see them so that they can sign to your girlfiriend. Bless your heart, but do not wear yourself out too fast.

Hi Amy – I’m amused when I saw that status circulating around my FB social friends, too. And to be frank, there’s nothing like smirking when the hearing relatives are left out whenever they’re in my world: “So, you now only got a taste of a few minutes of alienation that I’ve felt my entire life.” However, my participation with my family members are usually on one-on-one basis because it bonds a lot more than it would be in a family gathering. In a family gathering, my cousin and I would go out and have one on one conversation as well as sharing family gossip. Otherwise, I’d be watching the tube, reading my pager, or reading my book on my iPod or whatnot. Thanks for posting this article. See you in twitty land. 🙂 Oh, wait I think Tweedledee and Tweedledums are dancing at your grandeur blog of our people. 🙂

Even when hearing family members are aware of the “later” and the “dinner table syndrome” rudeness, they still revert to habit every time. The first opportunity to slip, they unconsciously take it. When called on it, it’s always “Im sorry, here’s what was said” –fifteen minutes later: obligation discharged.

I think it is because the family doesn’t learn effective strategies to use. We need to develop tricks and tips to keep Deaf children and family members in the loop and teach them.

Some examples: Preparation, such as Aunt Agatha likes to talk about her latest quilting project, Cousin Bob just bought a boat, Cousin Kitty is engaged. Then one can better guess at the conversation that may come up.

Priming, giving the Deaf person specific questions to help jump into a conversation, such as “do ask Melvin about his exciting new job” or “Be sure to show Patty your artwork–she paints, too.”

Include an easy and fun sign lesson in each gathering.

Build in activities that promote one on one interaction rather than groups.

And provide a graceful exit so the Deaf people can leave when they want.

Andrew and Ashley, I stand up and applaud you for your efforts!

Dianerz,

Good suggestions. I do similar what you do suggested like leave the group. I did it often to do something else. Also, I often ask family, I just want see them but not their friends because I have better chance to engage communicate with them without hearing friends around. I don’t mind some friends around but they just will keep talking that end up left me out. It is rude to interrupt them too often, so I have to find a way to get involved or leave gracefully.

Repress is my motto. I’m with you all the way.

You just nailed it!

Here’s a couple of my favorites, “You misunderstood”, That’s not what I said”. UGH!!!!!

BTW, I’m deaf ! but they (people, friends, family) think I’m HOH, no, I’m deaf.. they still say I”m HOH. Here’s why. My last few hearing tests proved that I’m profoundly deaf! But they still think I’m HOH. WHY? Because I can talk, but people who can hear thinks I’m from another country because of my speech. My patienance ran out, having to explain or at least try to explain that I’m deaf.

So, Later, I’m your new talking deaf friend from another country. NV, USA!

Have a great day!

(no hard feelings for the HOH, if I was HOH I would tell them)

Amy….your story is still sharing—-it’s ongoing….i shared as well…You were very very brave standing up speaking out, it was definetly very uneasy for u saying it…we thank thank thank you for that!! We really hope your story hits worldwide & help bringing families of Deaf ones together, we will just wait and see…but you’re not alone, families of ours doesn’t click our likes at FB either, maybe like 4 times for me since i joined 2 years ago, yes–it’s very hurtful for MANY for knowing the true colors BUT….FB saves Deaf people’s lives, i believe….that will bring to JUSTICE….Many Thanks again, AMY!!!!! ((((((Deaf group hug))))))))))))))

It’s important for family to communicate with their deaf relative, even if it means adapting to the communication mode such as sign language. Being from a deaf family who happen to be Italian, my hearing relatives were able to use gestures so communication wasn’t painful, they were fun loving people who found ways to communicate and mingle. At family gatherings, we were hardly left out by immediate family members. However, my in-laws were a different story. Once during Thanksgiving, the spouse and I had a conversation in signs at the table, his hearing relative interrupted me and told me we should not be signing because they don’t understand what we’re saying. I responded back, saying that we don’t understand them either. a pin dropped. (while I may understand them, the spouse who happened to be deaf, does not.) I still think it’s funny seeing their shocked face that day.

I think parents now days are more likely to learn to sign than parents years ago, at least, I hope that is the case.

Amy, thank you for sharing this very touching and personal blog. After years of putting up with being ignored and left out of hearing family members’ conversations, many people do reach a point where they simply say, “enough is enough”, or as you said, “later!”. There’s no reason for anyone to suffer through the indignity of being ignored or overlooked again and again at each family event. I hope at least some family members pay attention to what you said and change their ways.
Warmly,
Candace

Thanks, ABC for exactly expressing in words what most of us went through. You said it clearly enough…. come to think of it… I’m experiencing this as an adult now… when I’m at work, and signing to this hearing person she would start talking (not signing) and I looked around wondering what in the world is she saying? Came to find out that another person in a separate room called her name and she responded “I’m here” and they started talking and we lost connection right there. I felt as if my comments were not as pleasing as the hearing person’s were at that time. Imagine the thoughts that went through my mind how I felt at that moment. Boy, it’s not a wonderful feeling, lol.

Anyhow, thanks for sharing this post with us. 🙂

It would seem that Helen Keller’s quote rings true, don’t you think?

“Blindness separates us from things, but deafness separates us from people.”

If I had hearing parents/relatives and they didn’t communicate with me well or include me, I’d try to bring it up with them and if they still don’t include me then I’d go my way. Life is too short to let it affect us. We only live once, why let the pain consume us?, especially when it’s clear that many have tried to make a point with their families and they still don’t get it. Maybe someone can explain this.

Sven, I understand that, in a way I expect them to. I don’t think they are being disrespectful for using their natural language. Sometimes I feel like I have to make them change their conversation style to accomate us such as interrupting the middle of their flow of conversation to remind them to speak slower, look at faces, speak up or clearer, repeat themselves, or interpret.

All I ask is equality of language that we can use rather we use it with deaf or hearing. So if one language make us feel neglected, We still have language we can use.

Deafa,

That makes a lot of sense. I know I need to ask my deaf friends to sign slower or fingerspell. I’ve been so appreciative of the folks who accommodate my attempts to learn sign language.I can only hope I am as considerate to them as they have been to me.

Gwen!!! I can relate to what you are going through..people thinks just because I can speak well that I’m simply HOH..no..I’m still deaf..so deaf…so very deaf! Some even asked me what country i’m from because of my ‘accent’. 😀

You asked what does it mean when family tells you to be patient but not make any effort to learn to communicate. It means there avoiding discomfort in not being able or willing to include you more important to them than you are.

“We are wired differently”…Sven, there is a difference between outright rudeness and being wired differently. Suddenly dropping a conversation with a Deaf person to chat with an unseen hearing person is the top of rudeness. It’s like suddenly cutting off a conversation to answer the phone, or cutting someone off on the phone to talk with someone that came into the room.

Generally, when deaf people face this kind of unthinking exclusion daily in addition to watching hearing people talk in a different language all the time, they shut down and move away. It is a tragedy when this happens because of alienation of the love that brought them together. The choice is clear: take the lazy way and lose the family member, or make an effort to be consistently including and keep the loved one.

However, I’m sure there are situations where rudeness happens. Someone sees a person talking/signing to a deaf person and that person purposely interrupts right front of both of them. Unless it was a boss needing something pronto!

It doesn’t hurt to address this issue right there and then, you’ll be surprised how many people are not aware of these little pesky moments.

Like I said, it is a fast paced world. I do it too, sometimes later realizing that I should have waited since it could wait.

Dianrez – cop out is a great term. Whether you’re hearing or deaf, it is totally rude to interrupt a conversation with one person for something or someone else. Unless the buildng is on fire or something like that. Thanks for pointing that out,

Well spoken there. There were and are numerous of times that I have told my family of how I felt and all. All the responses were that I being told to let it go, or I was being too silly. Really? To me all those years that I came to my patience and my effort to keep my faith and strength and its positive to make a bond no matter what. Have the communcation, bonding or anything improved? No….It is such as somehow disappointing because deaf friends have became family and family have became friends. Family should be family and friends should be friends instead. So I really can understand since it is very common to many deafies that feel the same.

Well said!

I’ll never forget. When my husband and I were first married, his mother would get upset if we signed to each other and wanted to know what we were saying. Both of us said back to her “later” or “now you know how we feel when you talk with someone and we do not understand”, etc. She’d even go as far as insisting we use our voices. needless to say, we didn’t. When we’d be with my side of the family I’d do the same-sign. No voices. They didn’t complain LOL.

Amy,

A well written article!

I come from a large Deaf family. So often, we would have my friends who have hearing relatives stay with us for Thanksgiving. At times, I was not that close to certain individuals, but in their eyes, they begged me to take them home with me for Thanksgiving. My heart broke for them, so of course, I took them, 2 at a time, home for the Holiday.

So, for those hearing relatives who had done bad deeds for my friends, shame on them. Their relatives (my friends’) should be responsible for them, but they had become our family’s responsibilitiy to fulfill their Holiday with full communication accessibility.

Your article is worth the share!

I grew up in the same way frustrated not being included in conversation. I am profoundly deaf but can hear some with HA’s, I can talk with my voice but don’t want to cuz I get sore throat all the time. I hate using my voice cuz not sure if I am speaking loud enough for them to hear me. Sometimes they will ask me to either speak louder & other times they will tell me to speak softer, ugh! I prefer signing than using my voice & wish my family would sign for me. My niece learned sign language to become a Deaf counselor & is teaching her parents & sister to sign for us (my wife is deaf also), so we can be included! I am very proud of her for doing that. When I was growing up & I wanted to know what they were talking about the answer was always “later”! My wife’s sister has learned sign language & she always signs for us so that we are included in conversations. Now all of her sisters & brother are wanting to learn as well rather than depend on me or her sister to interpret what they are saying!

Also I agree with someone who told me it is sad to read some of those comments as families experience estrangement just like I do.

In Haiti, I was at Catholic School that hearing teacher taught me to be deaf because school did not allowed ASL and FSL (French sign Language) and not provide my parents not learning FSL.School required oral to teach me and my parents and family encouraged me to be frustrated.I am full deaf but I am able to speak for only lipread with my family some understanding. Next, 2001, I moved to Los Angeles city in CA that I struggled with my aunt did not learn in ASL to communicate me that through in my life. I have been left out of her that I am alone in my life. That is difficult in my life.

Amy, it takes the deaf to teach the hearing how to listen.

Parents must learn sign language simple as that !!! No feeling left out !!!

When I was 10 I moved to a rural neighborhood with a deaf year and a half old child. I love her and enjoyed the times when she and I would just BE together… needing no words at that time. We made signs together.. home signs I guess I read here??… lame perhaps, but we found communication. Later I became babysitter for her and her older brother and younger sister. With our home signs, we told each other secrets and jokes. When she started school at age three, she learned new signs and she brought them home to me each weekend. My mother and I often running around the house trying to figure out the meaning of each sign. She would giggle to be the one who knew what the secret was. Her parents did not know ASL. I read a paper sent home that encouraged the use of “cued speech” as an alternative to ASL, but as far as I know, they never learned even that. They often sent for me if they needed to know what she was saying, but mostly all she needed to do was grab at something and go AHHHH, which to me was a disservice to the child. I tried to treat her the same as the other kids in that she should use language (our signs) to get her words met. .
Sadly… I had to move away. I was 15 at that time and she was 6. We cried so hard. I truly loved that little girl. I worried and wondered about her. Who would talk to her?? Her parents did not sign. Her older brother had no interest in signing to her. (Mind you, he was 7 years old at that time) The baby though, aged 3, she showed some promise of absorbing them naturally as the sisters played together. Still… I wondered about her for a long long time, thinking I would never get my answer.
Then came social media. I found her on Yahoo messenger 25 years after I had left her (an amazing 2 or three years before she married and changed her last name. She said she had wanted to look for me also… but due to her age and language issues… she did not clearly understand my name and her mother could not remember it either.
My worse fears were realized. NO ONE in her home ever mastered ASL. I cannot fathom that. I cannot believe that, given a child of special needs, that I would not take any lengths to communicate with my child. I DID got to great lengths to communicate with THIS child, and I was but a child myself.
I do regret that I did not ever become fluent in ASL. The beauty of social media is that it has given us a medium in which we can converse. I did take something away from my experience with this child. I have had several situations in which I forged friendships across foreign language barriers. Most recently, I have become the nanny to my profoundly autistic nephew and have formed a bond of communication with him and pulled him out of being nearly non-verbal. Taking the time with him to let him know that someone was listening and patient enough to take the time to understand him has made such a difference in his life. It has greatly reduced his behavioral melt-downs and even reduced… nearly eliminated… his epileptic seizures.
Communication is so vital to the human psyche. No one should be made to feel left out.

I can really relate to the communication barriers between hearing and deaf family members….Being at a family gathering, it was difficult for me to communicate with my relatives as well. I felt left out most of time. My mom and my middle sister both knew sign language which helped me. (my middle sister is more fluent in ASL than my mom) It did help me out most of time with my sister… but still, I felt left out because there were so many conversations going on at dinner or in family room…I would not always get it what was going on……Imagine my frustration….

As a single person of a deaf child…it wasn’t easy. I can see just how this child may feel. Of course as a single parent , I have beautiful child who grew to be self confident and proud.

my son Tyler is deaf. In our family i have heard many members say they will just wait till he can hear them. It makes me so mad to hear people say these things. as i have told my family and friends…. either u show Tyler u respect him and love him enough to learn his language or u don’t. but if u don’t the y would he want to come around. he is deaf… he is proud… i am proud of every bit of him… we try our best to stay active in the deaf world and also hearing. having four kids is hard… being a single mom of four is harder…. and having a child who is deaf, one who is boarder autistic can be a challenge. if u truly respect and love your family member whom is deaf then show them…. show them they are worth learning to talk to them. i love my kids so much… i love them and i love them enough to tell them in any language they may speak!!!

Dear Grandmother, I’m sure he thinks you are wonderful. I am deaf and understands how some cope with the best they know how.

Oh Peggy, So true and sad…

To Bev Jaeger—wow, how wonderful to have a grandmother like you! I sometimes realize that I can’t read sign well is because of some dyslexia (took me a while to realize what was wrong!) but you have blessed your grandchild with your heart. Whatever the communication, that child will forever remember your love and concern and you shouldn’t ever feel like you failed.

Reading all of the comments, it really made me realize how hard it is to be the only deaf person in a hearing family. I myself am also Deaf, but my family (my parents and older brother) are also Deaf, so I pretty much have it easier but I still am struggling to communicate properly with my grandparents and uncles/aunts, seeing as how rest of my relatives are hearing and my family are the only deaf ones.

Personally, I know that I am guilty of this myself…not wanting to sign and talk at the same time or not wanting to repeat myself. However, the thought of someone not giving even somewhat of an effort to communicate with a deaf person is extremely sad, not to mention rude as well. I think that the person speaking should at least try…even if they consider their signing to be inadequate or their point to come across differently than it did originally. Yes, it’s harder to translate into ASL if it is not your first language…but looking back on myself, I know I am being somewhat of a hypocrite. I find myself saying “later” many more times than I should, and after reading this I’m planning on doing better with signing AND talking simultaneously so all people get what I’m trying to say instead of only a portion. This definitely gave me a better insight into what it feels like.

Friends, this discussion has been going on for nearly three years and a common theme can be seen here: courtesy consists of remembering the differences among people, understanding them, and actively building bridges rather than taking the easy way out and behaving as though there are no differences at all.

When this is ignored, there are consequences. Several deaf people have reported estrangement from their family members. This is unfortunately common. Simply implanting CIs in children does not entirely resolve this matter; despite hearing relatives believing this (often unrealistically, too often passionately). Even with a CI, the deaf family member still needs assistance to stay in full contact. One-to-one relationships do not automatically translate to one-to-group discourse–and family gatherings are almost always one-to-group.

Estrangement happens at the adult level, often when the mainstays of the family–the parents–pass away. When my mother passed on, she was a widow with two daughters both with families. Without Mom’s heroic efforts to maintain the family through annual holiday dinners and traditions, my hearing sister chose to break with me. Our families have had no contact for the past thirteen years despite living in the same suburb.

It was over division of the estate: without a legal will, the state mandated that the estate be divided equally. That was only the breaking point–actually it was decades of habitual omission, then expecting the deaf sister to accept the wish of the hearing sister. Instead, I chose the state, and she never forgave me.

Had there been better communication and sharing between the deaf and hearing siblings and their respective deaf and hearing families, there would have been more willingness to keep relationships. As it happened, neither sister knew of the other’s adult life, likes and dislikes, successes and disappointments, passions and hobbies, or deepest feelings. No sign language was allowed nor appreciated in this home except by the deaf side. The overall atmosphere (to the deaf family) was that hearing concerns weighed more importantly. The hearing sister probably felt the same, in converse.

Now that our children have grown and flown, it is just the two of us now. Both of us are alone and times are right for us to rekindle the relationship and sign language will not be necessary if it is just the two of us. However, the estrangement still stands, at her wish.

Family relationships begin in infancy, and it grows by building a common platform that includes ASL and a healthy understanding of the realities of deafness. Tragically, it takes exceptionally perceptive hearing people to get it.

i want to share this comment.. Every time i host any ocassions, like birthdays, anniverary, xmas and etc, my family hardly never come up our house, because too far away, I feel that my family is lack of communicate with me, I gave their remarks, ” my deaf friends always there for me even too far away, i do appreicated my dear deaf friends than my own family. They rather go my other sister’s house because closer home, and feel social with hearing family instead of us, because i am deaf but i can read lips and understood their conversation. AFter my beloved parents gone, I stopped attend to their ocassions and tell them too far away from home… I am sick tried of my family. Now my friends are my family. I feel they rather my sister’s house because she is always good cook, and bossy.. I wasnt very pleasant with her. She hate my deaf friends, my clothes, cook, and eveny my driving. I dont know why she is hating me… I need your feedback and feelings?

Enjoyed reading the blog and comments…

Here’s my favorite one.. Not so upbeat favorite but it’s one great irony that I just move on and not dwell on it. I am the only deaf out of my family. My immediate family do know how to sign….but of course, as most of deaf children, i have experienced the left out ZILLION times, and have spoken out all my life of how I felt in the gatherings. I was so glad that I turned 18 because then I could do whatever as I damn pleased. Once I turned into adult, I felt I deserved to be involved every conversation, regardless how lame or boring topic it was, I still want to know every and each of it…….

To this day, I do still get left out… Once in a while I would speak out, but not so much like growing up because I realized that I cant change them no matter how many I ask them. One of these time I would get upset and sad, which would make my Mother to feel pretty bad and she would cry and beg me to stay in the gathering.. Do you know how bad that gets me to feel? I never want to have my Mother to cry on my behalf…..NEVER. I love her to death because I know she loves me very much and would do anything for me… so When I get upset with the leaving out, not including me, etc, then my mother would get pretty upset and cries and just feel awful for what I am going through. She will try harder and she normally does.. for several hours.. then she goes to her way, leaving me out.. unintentionally..

I dont really like to make excuses for them because I know it’s inexcusable but…… they hardly sign in their 24/7 daily basis. They speak 24/7, not sign.. so they forget, not intentionally but they do forget that they need to sign. ……so yeah for me I just prefer to just say PEACE OUT and leave do my own things rather than getting irritated while waiting on them to include me… which would lead to my mother being upset and cry.. It’s just easier for me to do my own thing rather than speaking out and having my mother to be upset. She doesnt get upset for her reason but she gets upset for WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH as a deaf person and she sees it. She feels awful and always want to make it better for me and all of us in our family.. but.. I guess as they say, you cant teach an older dog the new tricks..

My Fiance, who is deaf as well but he can speak and lip read pretty good, unlike me.. His immediate family can sign as well….but still he feels the same as me, and had the similar experiences as we all do with the leaving out..

my motto….It is what it is. Let’s make the best out of it.. 🙂 LATER!

I am the mom of a deaf daughter(36). I have a grandson and granddaughter thru this daughter and I want to say it is tough for everyone involved.. I have always treated my deaf daughter the same or better than my other three children. It seems their are a lot of deaf people that feel left out, list or unloved. I think this is just a part of deafness. I try my darndest and it is never enough. I text, call, listen to her complaints all the time and she still has issues. I feel bad for her but she does very well and seems to use deafness when she needs an excuse or wants to blame her family for not taking the time to talk to her. They are very busy people as the world is so hard. Everyone e rushes here and there. I exhausted by the end of NY 9 hr shift and have little patience. I love her to death and am so proud of her but she doesn’t seem to have any compassion for our lives. It is all about her. We all try…she has pushed people away because she is tired of being hurt when they don’t mean to hurt her! We all love and accept all the deaf. I’m struggling to give her an answer to this issue. My family has been disrupted by all this. They love her but sometimes feel she uses this when she is jealous of her two sisters living close by each other and do things when she can’t cause she is an hour or more away. Wish I could figure this all out! And yes we all communicate well with her and k ow some sign and read lips well.

I found your article. I am in the same boat. I am great suffer. I am very inferior. I am divorce and have three hearing children. They know ASL. They don’t like to interpret for me. Sometimes they are willing to interpret and give short information. My family (five siblings) and my children chat each other. Also I don’t have deaf friends because I don’t have “skill” of social and problem communication. I grew up in hearing family and they don’t know ASL at all. My parents strongly activist is oral. Of course, a school for deaf and blind talked to my parents about the rules…not allow any to use signs. (Same common to deaf people and schools, too. I am not only one). I learned some signs from my classmates and other students. I was excited and got home. I asked my parents to give permission to transfer to sign classes. They often were angry, blew out and scold me. I strongly felt I have no rights and was stuck. My family chatted each other while dinner time or meeting. I was left a lot. My parents never encourage me to social with deaf friends or hearing friends and neglected me in most of my life. One day, I noticed “Special Education Class” in the yearbook…I was with four deaf students (they had multiple disability, very low level brain, just like retarded). I was puzzled and asked my mother about it. She didn’t answer my question and she was denied. I still don’t know why about it. I knew she refused to have me transfer to sign classes. (I was adult, and my four teachers told me that they tried to talk to my parents about communication problem and my need was ASL. Plus one deaf patient did explained to my father about ASL, TV, social, education, etc. My father was stubborn and don’t listen. He wanted me to live in hearing world. I believe he learned from school (Dr. Bitter and oral activists).

I am not popular person, not pretty myself. My communication skill is poor. I am great suffer, deeply feel hurt and patience. I don’t know what my family talk about. All I need is love and care.

At the deaf center and deaf church, I always sit back and am quiet. That is why I don’t have friends.

Just recently, I had a hearing family Christmas together. I noticed my hearing sister had a Christmas card, signed her name, passed to my hearing siblings to sign their name and the card returned to her. She sealed it. I was surprised…I don’t get one to sign. After my mother gave family the Christmas presents. At last, my sister gave my mother the card. No one interpret what my mother said. I don’t know what was going on. I had no idea. Everyone left for home. I looked at the card that they gave my mother a new patio furniture. I felt hurt because they discussed together and don’t get me to involved. I felt like they reject me. I texted to my sister and asked her about it. She doesn’t response my question. I asked my mother about it. She don’t know. (maybe she know. She doesn’t want me to feel hurt).

My next hearing neighbor and I had peace for 16 years until two years ago, he started his welding sandblast business outside on his driveway. About 15 times (four summer months), the sandblast spread out in the air, landed my vegetable garden and killed them. I was upset and tried to talk to my neighbor but he was very aggressive at me. He threw grapes at my property, posted his angry notes, harassed, etc. I called police…nothing violation tickets. It took two years and continue. One day, a detective police went over my mother’s place and was curious about her house where I live. My hearing sister in law (my hearing brother’s wife) jumped to involve. She tried to evict me because I was one to start to cause problem with neighbor and I used revenge on my neighbor. Also he is homeowner and I am tenant. My neighbor wanted to have her telephone number. Each time he called her. She jumped to involve and listened to him, not me. She scolded me for no reasons all the times. I knew both are “hearing”…strongly bond to hearing. She doesn’t listen to me and ignored me. I was angry and asked her to stop involve because she is with my neighbor’s side. She was “third party” and middle between my neighbor and me. I don’t like it because I am deaf, she and neighbor are hearing…bond. “third party” to communicate. My neighbor used her. She continued to involve. It leaded to destroy relationship between me and my sister in law. I was so mad, was out of control and blew out on her. She continued to judge, criticized and insult me. I asked her to stop please. Also I asked her to stop involve with my neighbor anymore. She is not good listener. I finally made “very risk” to her and told her that she is rude, deeply yell very loud to her four children and threw things at them. She needed help and learn to control her angry. I would call protection children service. She yelled at me to leave her and her family alone. She told my whole family include my mother that I hurt her…called her “bad mother” (I never say that). My whole family are with her side and support her. No one support me. I let it go.

By the way, I talked to a chief police about problem with my neighbor (I had ASL interpreter). The chief said police cannot force me to give telephone number without permission and get family member to involve. It is very wrong. Also about evict…chief said the police cannot evict when two neighbors fight or argue each other…No matter what they are homeowners or homeowner/tenant unless court order. Homeowner cannot evict tenant…must go to the court order. Anyway, I asked property zone offices and Property management about evict…they said they cannot evict them whatever they are homeowners or homeowner/tenant or tenant/tenant. Except tenant don’t pay or destroy property or add more families…the homeowner can evict them.

I realized my sister in law really don’t care about me. She wanted to evict me for no reason. She is not very nice and friendly. She is audism on me. She wanted power. The house where I live is belonging to my mother, not her (sister in law).

Very sad. I am GREAT suffer. I love my family.

LeeAnne Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
August 28th, 2017 at 10:31 pm
I am so tired of feeling left out in hearing family gathering. When I was growing up i went to deaf school and went home every weekend. I felt fine with my family. I don’t feel left out but after I got married to my hearing husband and end up having ALL hearing children which make it worse. My husband took advantage of my hearing to talk bad behind my back to the children. My husband and kids don’t understand deaf culture at all. They think I am dramatic due to my signing. During bridal shower my daughter and my sister acted like I was not existed. I had to ask my daughter repeatedly to interpret for me. They did not include me in conversation. I left right after shower and i cried and cried. I hate the feeling. I am tired feeling pain.